Security Implements New Policy: Covert Door-to-Door Sales

           The college has authorized security members to perform door-to-door solicitations, selling various items, ranging from cookies, fruits and hot chocolate to knock-off handbags. In the past, there has been concern about the unfriendly demeanor of security officers on campus. This initiative has been undertaken in order to generate revenue. The money will likely go towards buying a new fleet of Segways. 


           This new measure is done in an attempt to covertly survey high-risk rooms. The theory is that if you catch the scent of pleather and baked goods wafting under your door, you are more likely to open it. And if you get written up, you can immediately buy cookies and hot chocolate to forget your sorrows. As a formal warning, if you hear a heavy, slow knock at the door, remember to ask who it is.