Half of Poughkeepsie Disappears, Students Fail To Notice

          CONTRIBUTING REPORTER - In what was described as “one of the strangest phenomenons of the 21 century” by local journalists, it seems that roughly half of the Poughkeepsie area has mysteriously vanished.  At around 7:03 AM this morning, residents woke up to find the entire western half of Poughkeepsie eerily gone; not a building or person could be seen.  In a state of panic, hundreds of people called the police, and soon the National Guard was brought in to see just what had happened.
          However, only a few miles from this happenstance, life at Vassar College seemed to go on blissfully unaffected.  Students seemed to have no idea that anything had occurred in the city around them; indeed, some were surprised to find out that there was something beyond Raymond Avenue.  When questioned whether she had ever been of campus, a sophomore girl, somewhat confused, replied, “Wait, do you mean off-campus? Or, like…off, off-campus?"  Sadly, we had no idea what she meant. 
          Moving on, we questioned self-proclaimed “lax bro”, Chet Browman, about his feelings concerning Poughkeepsie’s recent developments.  His answer was “I don’t really know what you’re talking about, but man, check out the omelet line.  S***t’s killer, bro.” 
          In other news, a Facebook petition to “Save Poughkeepsie” was created by a couple Vassar students in an attempt (we think?) to raise awareness about Poughkeepsie’s missing half.  However, the group has yet to define how they plan to save Poughkeepsie, or even what they are planning to save.