Presence of Chairs Prompts Shutdown of Elevators

          Taking the elevator can seem like a lazy choice compared to walking up the stairs, but a new level of indolence is reached when chairs are added to the mix. It is not uncommon to see a stray chaise in the elevator, or scuffle matches over who gets to sit in the royal throne. One interviewee, who chose to remain anonymous, said he once witnessed a martial arts style fight that included some "pretty sweet" aerial flips; his story has yet to be confirmed.
         There has never been a problem with these chairs in the elevators, however this morning there was a campus-wide shutdown of all elevators that consistently held them (As of right now, the only elevators to be shut down are the one in Davi and UPC). At first, the reason cited was "fire hazard" however when the reporter pointed out that elevators are prohibited when there is a fire, the chairs were them blamed as "safety hazards" and could possibly be used as weapons. As there isn't even room to swing a cat in an elevator, the real reason remains to be discovered.