Late Thursday night, Junior Sam Jones says he "polished off a bottle of SoCo and went to a party at the TH's with some theatre friends." Upon arriving, he was dissapointed at the lack of recognition his entrance got.
Ever since Freshman year when a girl told him he had a weak jawline, Jones has tried several methods to gain the approval of his peers. He has fully eleminated all pronouns from his vocabulary, considering their lack of objectivity "stunningly obsolete". He has adopted a 5-hours, twice a day sleep schedule, saying it "helps keep up with both groups of friends."
Maybe it was his parents who coddled his ego into the hairless cat it is today, or the fact that he was born without a left kidney, needless to say, Jones should take up a hobby, like puzzles or something, and stop seeking the approval of his peers.
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